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Millennial Insert

Don't Pick An Energy Drink Until You Read This.

Updated: Jan 7, 2022

I'm sometimes a coffee guy, most times I drink energy drinks because they don't make me poop. It's okay to poop but when I need energy and I'm on a roll, pooping can slow me down. Even if I drink an energy drink I sometime still end up pooping but way less. We've all been told it poison, so lets just pick one.

This article is about the effectiveness of different energy drinks I've had over the years. From my experience, some give you a short boost of high energy, while others just wake you up for and keep you up for as long as possible. ​

Let's start with the ranking system. This system is going to be based on my own experience and could possibly be the same for you.​

1.0 = "Kid's drink"

5.0 = "Pre-Workout"

Bang (Best Choice)

Bang Energy​ = 4.6

Bang hits the spot for me. It's not the best tasting but its effectiveness is the best. It's what's allowing me to make the first draft of this blog. I also have some sentimental value with Bang since a lot of the marketing is from right here in South Florida. Nothing is without bias and I'm open about that. Sill... even if they weren't made here in South Florida, Bang Energy is one of the most potent and effective energy drinks I've ever had period. It gives me a MAX energy boost and a MAX mental boost, so much that it's like pre-workout without the tingals you feel in your lips and thighs.​



AMP​ Energy = 2.2

Coming in at the lowest effective energy drink, Amp's base-taste is rooted in Mountain Due's original formula. I remember watching it's commercial when I was younger. It premiered in 2001 but it wasn't on my radar till 2007ish. It seemed marketed to sports fans and college students which I was neither at the time. Now that I'm 27's (at the time of this blog), I've noticed that it's more of a soda than an actual energy drink marketed to gamers like me. I feel the energy for about 30mins every 10 gulps. It's 2.2 out of 5. With Amp, I can feel the energy creeping up but never enough that would make me a superhero that's ready to take on the world. I suspect they give you the common large can because you'll need a good amount to feel what a "more potent" energy drink would feel like.​

According to the Wiki

In 2007, after using the term "Game Fuel" to market their sodas to the video-gaming subculture, Mountain Dew introduced a new flavor variant (citrus cherry) with the Game Fuel name. Coinciding with the release of the Xbox 360 game Halo 3, Mountain Dew Game Fuel sported a label that was almost entirely image-based, showing promotional artwork for the game and featuring the game series' main character Master Chief prominently. This variant remained on shelves for 12 weeks, and was discontinued afterwards.


Celsius​ = 3.2

You'll definitely feel this one. This, for me, is long-lasting energy. The energy duration for me is 2 hours of energy every 10 gulps. I feel it more in my brain than anything. I'm not a fan of its taste and how it's a tea-based drink but I think it's one of the healthier ones since it's marketed as such. I think it's more of a workout recovery drink.

I was editing a cooking show and Celsius was one of their sponsors. I was flying through my edits because my thought process was faster. I felt little to no jitters but sometimes jitters are the reason I get things done faster. Jitters (for me) is a constant reminder of being wired and ready. I may be in the minority but I like jitters especially when I'm under pressure. It (to me) feels like lots of potential energy and Celsius won't do that for me.​

The commercial weren't that spectacular and looked like they didn't put money in to advertising much but this one made the list because it's popular enough in South Florida to be part of one of the energy drinks most health freaks like my dad enjoy.

According to Celsius

CELSIUS uses a special Green Tea extract that contains a specific ratio of EGCG(epigallocatechin gallate) — the compound that scientists have found boosts your metabolism, allowing you to effectively burn more calories and store less fat.


Monster Energy = 3.3

Monster Energy also has some of the best marketing. Red Bull and Monster are neck and neck with marketing but when it comes down to the length of energy, Monster keeps it going and going and going. The energy isn't a fast boost but it is definitely a noticeable boost of mental and physical energy. It's arguably one of the best-tasting energy drinks out there. It's formula was made by Coke which is (let's face it) the masters of enjoyable drinks out there. The one thing I do notice is that if you let it get too flat, it's like drinking Night Quel. Since there are no other smaller sizes, it's very easy to let it get flat with all the liquid they give you. Long-story-short, Monster is a 3.3.



Rock Star Energy​ = 3.4

Rock Star Energy is what AMP should have been. This drink is definitely a heavy hitter with energy. I'm not a big fan of it's sub-flavors other than the original. I hate the fruit punch and lemon versions but it's effectiveness really works. It's a big boost of energy for a short time (I assume) which is why they give you the standard large can to maintain it. I had energy but a minimal boost in (thinking speed) mental energy. In summary, it's got big energy for a short time (1hour every 10 gulps) but given a good amount to maintain it.

According to Wikepedia

"Founded in 2001 by Russ Weiner, the son of conservative talk show host Michael Savage. Rockstar launched into what was the fastest-growing segment of the U.S. beverage market at the time, energy drinks. In addition to featuring different ingredients, which it claimed were "scientifically formulated to speed the recovery time of those who lead active and exhausting lifestyles—from athletes to rock stars," Rockstar sought to differentiate itself from the market leader, Red Bull, by using a 16 oz can size as opposed to Red Bull's 8 oz can, and by marketing itself as "twice the size of Red Bull for the same price"



Red Bull = 3.6

Red bull has the best marketing and it's been in the game for a while. It has proven itself to be effective. Red Bull is just like Nos with its well-rounded mental and physical energy boost but a little more potent witch is why they give you a smaller amount. With a full-sized can will have me flying. Red Bull is one of the few energy drinks where all flavors are enjoyable. This is why I think Red Bull is so successful... every flavor tastes great and works well. From my experience, the energy boost lasts an hour and a half every 10 gulps. This high energy drink will get you going for a short time but keeps your mental energy going after the physical energy boost wears off. I've experienced crashes with Red Bull which means it's hitting my redline that can lead to jitters. If Noz and Rock Star had a baby, it's Red Bull.

According to Wikepedia

In 1976, Chaleo Yoovidhya introduced a drink called Krating Daeng in Thailand, which means "red gaur" in English... in Southeast Asia, Red Bull and Krating Daeng are often confused as both use the Red Bull name in their packaging, although they are two separate products aimed at different markets. The main difference is that Red Bull comes in a tall blue and silver can while the Thailand Red Bull, or Krating Daeng, is in a smaller gold can.


Nos High-Performance Energy = 3.9

A very underestimated energy drink. This is high energy for a medium about of time. For me, I got 2 and a 1/2 hours of energy every 10 gulps, some times a full 3. It also gives me the jitters I like to have when I'm under pressure. It gives me a noticeable physical and mental energy. I love the flavor and carbonation level. It's very spiky. I enjoy drinking this one because to me, its well-rounded energy with jitters included. It's formula was made by Fuze and later adopted by Coke, but I give Fuse the credit when they weren't bought out by the big Coke.

According to Wikipedia

"In February 2005, the Fuze Beverage company launched the beverage. The name "NOS" was licensed from Holley Performance Products, which manufactures the Nitrous Oxide Systems (NOS) brand of automotive nitrous injection systems. According to Holley, NOS is the first automotive product to have a consumable food product share its name and logo. In February 2007, Fuze was purchased by The Coca-Cola Company, which transferred the NOS license to Coca-Cola. On June 12, 2015, Coca-Cola announced the transfer of its energy division, including NOS and Full Throttle, to Monster Beverage."
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